if i can run in heels then i can drive
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
