Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
