He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
