Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
