the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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