I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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