Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
