I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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