3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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