i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
