Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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