i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
