so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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