just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
