I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
