i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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