he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize