try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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