he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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