my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
