look no pants
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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