my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize