how hairy? two words: wookie tits
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
