I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i barfeds in our rink
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
