Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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