I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
