The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did i just pee glitter
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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