I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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