you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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