I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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