When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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