Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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