oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
