He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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