Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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