I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
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I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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