This girl is more easily done than said...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
