wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
