im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
