i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
