so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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