A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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