I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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