He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
