Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
