Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
