what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
