im about as happy as oj after his trial
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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