Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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