my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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