I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
