Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They took my balls.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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