After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
