you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
