it wasn't lemon gatorade
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
