is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
