there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
