? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
