Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
