I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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