Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
