My liver just broke up with me...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
