Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
