If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
