when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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