similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
