woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You took a bar mat shot.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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